Tuesday, January 31, 2006

3rd Annual State Of The Union Address Drinking Game!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the State of the Union Address, this year's dog-and-pony show by the POTUS, and we're all ready over at the Collective for a little bit of the old tying one or two or perhaps three on! If you're watching at home, with a bunch of people, you too can use these rules to drink along with the President!

Here's the mechanics: At 8:30, once people have arrived, guests stand for each Ministry position. Anyone who is democratically elected to each position gets a little card and follows along with the speech, listening for the clues that will tell the other people at the party (including the other Ministers, of course) when to drink!

Here's the set of verbal and visual cues, with each Ministry:

Minister of Civil Rights
“Alito” – 1 drink
Roe vs. Wade – 1 drink
Overturning Roe v. Wade – 2 drinks
“Non-transparent government” – 1 drink
Defends with “national security” – 1 drink
The NSA program is “is fully consistent with our nation's laws and
Constitution” – 1 drink
“I’ll continue to authorize them” in a way clearly inconsistent with FISA –
2 drinks
“If Al Qaeda is calling you, we want to know why.” – 3 drinks

Minister of Taste
“The State of Our Union is Strong” – 1 drink
Introduces a wife of a soldier fighting in Iraq – 1 drink
Introduces a widow of a soldier who died fighting in Iraq – 2 drinks
Introduces a mother of soldiers in Iraq – 1 drink/kid in the armed forces
Wears a red and blue tie over a white shirt – 1 drink
“9/11” – 1 drink
Makes up a new word – 1 drink
Refers to a staffer/Congressman by a pet name (Brownie, etc) – 1 drink
“Halliburton” – 1 drink
Any company really – 1 drink

Minister of Faggotry
“Marriage under attack” – 1 drink
“Successfully fought off attacks against marriage” – 2 drinks
“Activist Judges” – 1 drink

Minister of Health
“Our changes to Medicare are a success” – 1 drink
“Ownership society” – 1 drink
“Health Savings Accounts” – 1 drink
“Healthcare Affordability Crisis” – 1 drink
Call for reforms to reduce judgements in malpractice suits – 1 drink

Minister of War
“September 11, 2001” – 1 drink
“Axis of Evil” – 1 drink
“Iraqi Elections” – 1 drink
“Hamas” – 1 drink
“We will not deal with Palestine” – 2 drinks
“No deals with terrorists” – 1 drink
“No deals with terrorists – including Hamas” – 3 drinks
“Iran cannot gain Nuclear weapons” – 1 drink
“World must unite to prevent” – 1 drink
“The family of nations” – 1 drink
“Terrorist” – 1 drink

Minister of Incredibly Expensive Projects
Any new program announced that will cost more that 50 million dollars:
1 drink
Any new program announced that will cost more than 50 billion dollars:
2 drinks
(These double if he talks about cutting taxes beforehand)
“The Mars Program” – 1 drink
Medicare Prescription Program – 1 drink

Minister of Energy
“Energy Freedom Act” – 1 drink
“Non-renewable sources” in a negative light – 1 drink
“Non-renewable sources” in a positive light – 2 drinks
Expand nuclear energy – 1 drink
Acquire and reprocess spent fuel from other nations – 2 drinks
“Let the oil companies show us the way to renewable sources” – 4 drinks
“Enron” – 1 drink

Minister of Oh My God What Now?
“We are Currently Bombing Iran” – Finish Drinks
“We are Temporarily Suspending Elections” – Finish Drinks
“I am placing legislation before Congress to illegalize abortion” – Finish Drinks
“We are reinstating the draft” – Finish Drinks

That's it! Have fun! Drink up while you still can! One day, our right to drink while watching the State O' The Union will be eroded along with everything else, so do it while you still can!


Blogger emily said...

a mighty fine time was had by all....or at least most. I can't speak for the guy from new zealand who told becky that jews control the media....

9:09 AM  

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